And I have officially SOLD OUT! Thats right, I now have corporate sponsorship!!! Which means, less dirt-bagesque meals, more ingredients that you have never heard of, and most importantly.....booze!
So at this point in time I would like to give a shout out to my sponsor, www.dreamhomejohn.com That's right you shit heads. Im funding my own god damn meals now. No more left over pizzas and discarded dumpster dogs. I will now be cookin like a champion! Until the mortgage is due, then its back to Mr. Noodles, fried beef and onions.
So here we go!
Tonight's menu; Hot wings, Burnt ass!
You know the drill, lose the shirt. Set the oven to fire and lets do this.
Approximate wing manufacturing time; 1 hour.
Step one.
No brainer here. Buy the fuckin ingredients. Today your gonna need the following.
*How much of each depends on you. I don't use measurments. So just buy lots.
Onion
Ketchup
Soya Sauce
Vinegar
Garlic
Sirachi sauce AKA Rooster sauce AKA Cock sauce
Pepper if you want
Any other crap you feel like throwing in cause it makes you feel like Emril Legassi...Do it. BAM!
And a pack of chicken wings from Superstore.
I dont know how many were in there, or what they weighed...But it filled a cooking sheet and a pizza sheet. So use ingredients accordingly.
PREP!
With my new found corporate cash, I was able to swing for name brand food stuff and a big ol bottle of Rye. Booze is needed on this one to keep you occupied whilst the salmonella burns off the wings.
Step one. Lots o Rye...Little coke.
Step 2. Put the wings on the cooking sheets and put in before the oven has had a chance to fully heat itself up to 425F. Put 22 mins on the clock to allow for the oven to fully heat and first round of cooking to begin...then mix another drink.
While they start to cook your gonna need a big knife and a pan big enough to hold lots of ketchup and cock sauce.
Chop half a normal size onion up. But into super tiny pieces. Do the same with 2 things of garlic. once they are good to go, mix a 3rd drink, feed the puppy dogs and then put the stuff in the pan with a shot of oil. Vegetable or Olive. Doesnt matter. Im pretty sure there is no difference.
Step G; Brown the onions and garlic. Then squeeze in about 5 solid shots of ketchup. Thats a full bottle squeeze. Adjust to 7 squeezes if bottle makes fart sounds.
Next do the same with the cock sauce. But use like 4 squeezes. Then give it a shot of vinegar and soya sauce.
Stir the pan, then stir another drink. At this point in time, you need two things... oven mitts and caution. you are a few pops deep and your playin with hot things. Chicks dig scars, but not puss filled burns.
Take the wings out of the oven after the timer goes and flip them over. Its at this point in time you will curse a blue streak for not greasing or buttering the pan because the wings are sticking and you need to hacksaw them off with a spatula. Its also at this point that if you didnt remove your shirt, it will be ruined by spraying grease. If you did and your cookin like a man!!! enjoy the burns. once they are flipped. Put the timer back to 20 mins and slide them in for round 2.
Ok so now our sauce should be simmering on low, and time ticking off the clock. For the next bit you are free to do what you want. Myself, I took the tire off my bike and went to the gas station to fill it with air. It had a hole in the tube though.... Im getting it fixed tomorrow.
DING! Time is up!
Step last; Becoming the sauce boss.
Scrape the wings off the sheets and into a big bowl. Take this time to season them with pepper or whatever you want. Before taking the sauce off the stove, man up, give 2 more solid shots of cock sauce into it, stir, then dump the sauce all over the wings. Using a big spoon, mix it all up. Stir them wings up real good til you get a solid coating all over the bastards.
I found that letting them sit and marinate a bit resulted in a more solid flavour. So if you can, wait a bit.
There is no presentation needed for these. Just eat them out of the big bowl.
And that is it. Your half cut, have a big ol bowl of awesomeness, and on your way to a solid intake of fat, salt, and about 4000 calories and a bangin hangover!! So pick them beauties out of the bowl and curb stomp them down your throat hole.
Party on wayne, and party on garth.
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